Some much needed self-care

This week I took the time for some much needed self-care. A long session of massage therapy helped get rid of some of this built up tension. And for the first time in over six months, I got a haircut! With all my stress and psoriasis and losing clumps of hair, it was so nice to have a head massage and bring some order back to my hair. It’s nice not to feel so straggly and the shorter hair will hopefully make it easier to treat my scalp.

I also went to a follow-up appointment with my psychiatrist. Re-upping my medication to the levels I had in the spring seems to be helping. I have tremors but otherwise my mood is much improved with the higher dose. I feel a bit more able to handle the work conflict. We talked a lot about my work conflict at the session. I explained how I work with someone that veers from ordering me about and yelling at me to being as nice as can be. She said that this treatment is harassment, and it was a relief to be validated. I’ve felt so uncertain about myself. With a history of mental illness, I wondered, is it me? Am I being too sensitive? Am I the problem? But she reassured me that yelling at people in the workplace is never appropriate. She was annoyed that my boss wants to send my to a course on working with difficult people and difficult situations. She thinks it’s my colleague needs to learn how to communicate with people. But I’m of the mind that a) this may be a good way to learn some new strategies because I do get very stressed by interpersonal conflict and b) if they want to send me on a course then I guess they don’t want to fire me.

Anyway, that’s where things stand. Some improvement and a lot of self-care to get me through this stress.

Any tips on working well with difficult colleagues?


I need new lenses

I do need new contact lenses, but that’s not what I mean. I think that I’m getting so tense and tired and stressed and upset that my views are becoming distorted.

Every time I wake up, I’m thinking about my work conflict. Any time my mind is not fully occupied with a task, it’s going back to the work conflict. I’m annoyed that I’m letting this take up so much of my energy!

I’m remember how zen I was at many points last spring. I want to find that again. Things I will work on this weekend:
– be in the present
– notice when work stress is creeping back to my thoughts and say “No!” – this is my time, not work time
– find time to meditate
– move around, get out of the house

I received a reminder yesterday that I have an appointment with my psychiatrist. Finally! My last appointment was in August because I was doing so well, feeling high spirited and ready to reduce some of my medication. No need to see the doctor for three months. What a laugh. Things have fallen so far since then!

I also haven’t been seeing my therapist since last spring as I was so busy then and my yoga training was a form of therapy. But right now I have nothing and I think I’m feeling the strain of not having their support and insights.

I also stopped blogging so much, losing out on my self-analysis and your helpful insights! Already, having started blogging again this week has been a great release.

Until next time!

Be well.

Everything Zen

I feel much better today. Although I woke up tired, it was mostly because I had a nap and then went to bed late. I got caught up in The Walking Dead!

I went in to work and was only a few minutes late. I had a good meeting and then I was set to go for the day. I wonder if part of my stress Monday and Tuesday was related to me feeling at a deadlock at work. Today I sorted out the issue so I was able to be productive again. It’s something to be curious about. In retrospect I think I’ve often dreaded work when I was lacking direction and purpose.

I decided today that I need to do one thing a day that relaxes me. I don’t think I can avoid stress until my job situation is sorted, but I need to do something to manage it. So today I made a point of going outside at lunch. It was still cold, but it was really sunny so I walked outside running errands then sat in a sunny courtyard for about ten minutes just to absorb some vitamin D.

I think leaving my desk and getting fresh air and sun (and more coffee) were very helpful and I had a very nice afternoon. I was even inspired to go to yoga after work, which was a bonus. It was a great class, half workout and half relaxation, just what I needed.

It’s a four-day weekend this weekend, so I need to prepare myself so that I don’t repeat last weekend’s mistakes. So I will be creating a very doable challenge to get me doing the key things to a good day: get out of bed, go outside, and get moving. I also need to set short periods of homework time as I have a lot of things due next weekend and procrastinating will only make me more stressed. So I think I’ll bribe myself to do it by taking my work to a coffee shop that has yummy lattes.

For now, it’s time to relax in an Epsom salt bath. 🙂

Reversing Stress

This week I established a really difficult challenge for myself. My goal was to get up early each day, do two types of exercises, get lots of homework done and generally get used to a 9 to 5 schedule.

I’ve failed. And I was really stressed yesterday, exhausted, and then I had insomnia.

But I’m in a good place right now. Despite waking at 11:30 am. Why?

I’m being compassionate. They were good goals and I accomplished a lot of things, but it was so set that I was feeling like a failure from first thing in the morning when I couldn’t be out of bed by 8 am.

But I came to my senses overnight. I guess the sleeplessness had a purpose! I need to listen to my body. And it’s telling me that it is holding a lot of stress after a few job interviews and my upcoming return to work. And that is what I need to address right now. I have yoga all weekend and need to be up at 8 so I don’t need to worry so much if I wake up at 9 am the next few days. It’s the morning, it’s progress.

First thing I did today was self-care. I booked a massage!

I’m a true believer in self-care and think that massage is one of the best things you can do for yourself if you are stressed or depressed. But I’ve had to cut it out of my monthly routine this year since I haven’t had steady work. But then my therapist had a great suggestion to get me thinking outside the box. We have local colleges that teach massage therapy and they offer super-discounted massages with the students. Perfect! That’s the plan for later.

And then I went right out to yoga. Because I wanted to. I wanted to feel centered. I wanted to work out before my massage rather than after. And it felt so great!

Going out to yoga also made me realize what a beautiful sunny day it is. It’s winter but the skies are bright blue and the temperature near zero. So when I got home I actually opened up a window to let in some fresh air. So nice!

Without thinking about it, I had a nice hot shower and then put away the laundry and started another load. And I realized, I’ve been super productive! Once I decided to just relax and not worry about being bound to my plan, everything came together.

So that’s the theme for today’s post. Listen to your body. Recognize if you are stressed and if so, it’s time for some self care.

Have a great day!