Re-finding my yoga mat

Today, after a few months off, I re-found my yoga mat. It feels so good to be back.

Why did I stop? Well, mostly due to pain in my arm that made yoga difficult and frustrating and my crazy work schedule which makes it hard to stick to a routine. Oh, and it is expensive and I’m still trying to get back on track financially.

These are all true, but the thing is, with all the conflict, stress and long hours, I really need yoga now more than ever.

Today after a really long sleep I woke up and decided that it was time to just get on the mat at home. I’ve trained as a yoga teacher. I know what to do. I can adjust the routine to work around injuries and aches and pains.

So I put on a meditative music cd, stepped onto my mat, and just did a free flow of whatever poses I felt like in the moment. It was so great!

It’s unfortunate that I lost yoga for these past few months, as I’m sure it would have really helped with the stress.

But I’ve found it now, and it feels good. I plan to try to get on my mat every day now. Any length of time, no routine to memorize and follow. Just be present and move.

Namaste! 🙂

Working Girl

I returned to the workforce today. It went really well!

It was a full 9 to 5 day, so my challenge will be getting into the swing of a morning routine.

Today I was alert all day, until the last hour when I was getting tired. But that’s mostly because I didn’t sleep so well last night. My cat decided to wake me at 5 am and every hour thereafter. :-p

I’m looking forward to having a regular schedule again. I’ve been missing routine.

I also went to yoga today, so I’m well on my way to establishing a daily yoga practice. That makes one full week so far! I’ve been doing easy meditation courses mostly this week because my muscles were so sore, but I think I’m ready now to do some more intensive classes again.

Good night!

New Year, New Challenge

The holidays were intense, and I’ve just spent the past three days recuperating. But enough with the staying in bed and sleeping!

I need to keep myself on track, particularly now that I don’t have a work routine to get me out of the house. I’ve proven time and again that I need mini objectives to get me moving. So here is my challenge for the next ten days.

Each day, I will:
1-Get out of bed
2-Go outside
3-Exercise for 30 minutes straight (walking counts)
4-Do job search related things for 20 minutes (search jobs, start a cover letter, apply, network, etc.)
5-Clean/Prepare/Organize. Just one thing. Could empty the dishwasher, cut veggies for easier snacks, prepare my gym bag, etc.
6-Keep finances for 10 minutes (stay on top of bills, etc.)
7-Eat a veggie dish (raw veggies, stir fry, salad, etc. I love them but always reach for carbs or prepared foods when I’m hungry)
8-Do some self-help work for 20 minutes. (Read a chapter, listen to an audio book, watch a Ted video, create my mantras, etc.)
9-Meditate. Five minutes is fine to start!
10-Do something nice for myself. (Have a bubble bath, watch a favourite show, give myself a manicure or pedicure, listen to music, do a little dance around the house, play with the cat, whatever!)

I think I’ll call this one the 10×10 Challenge.

It’s a lengthy list, but each task is pretty small. Everything can be done in less than three hours, so it’s not too much for a whole day, right? And if it’s too much? Break it down. (Mantra #1)

Great! I have objectives for the day ahead. So now I’d best get back to sleep since I woke at 4 am! The little demon will start insisting on breakfast soon enough…

Lost and Self-Absorbed

I’m going home for Christmas tomorrow. I’m sort of looking forward to it, not because it is Christmas, but to get out of my head.

With the end of my job, my schedule has opened up again and I’m lost in the emptiness. I’ve done nothing this weekend. Not even Christmas shop because I just wasn’t feeling into it.

If nothing else, for the week that I am home I will not be able to stay in bed and isolate myself.

I’m sad because I feel like I have lost most of my friends. I think they must be angry that I didn’t go to the Christmas party, the second gathering in two months that I missed. I sent an email explaining and sending everyone Christmas wishes, but only one person acknowledged the email.

I had all these good intentions of reaching out to friends this month, opening up to some about my depression so that they weren’t left wondering why I was suddenly so flakey. But I didn’t ever get around to Christmas cards. I didn’t even decorate this year, let alone make cookies or otherwise engage. So it is good that I am going home so that I have no choice but to engage.

I worry about New Years though. I wasn’t invited to my friend’s annual party… I don’t know if that means they aren’t having it this year or that they didn’t invite me because I ended up cancelling the past two years.

Anyway, all this to say that while I was doing so much better while working, as soon as I didn’t have that anymore I went off the tracks. What happened to the bubbly person of four days ago? The effects of isolation definitely hit me quickly.

I don’t normally make New Year’s resolutions, but I feel like I need to this year. I’m at a turning point, much better overall, but I keep tripping up because I don’t know how to deal with the fallout of extended depression: how to rebuild the friendships I’ve damaged or regain the active lifestyle I dropped.

I think it is all about attitude. Months ago my therapist suggested that I develop some personal mantras. Maybe that is what I will do: develop mantras rather than resolutions for the year ahead.