This week I took the time for some much needed self-care. A long session of massage therapy helped get rid of some of this built up tension. And for the first time in over six months, I got a haircut! With all my stress and psoriasis and losing clumps of hair, it was so nice to have a head massage and bring some order back to my hair. It’s nice not to feel so straggly and the shorter hair will hopefully make it easier to treat my scalp.
I also went to a follow-up appointment with my psychiatrist. Re-upping my medication to the levels I had in the spring seems to be helping. I have tremors but otherwise my mood is much improved with the higher dose. I feel a bit more able to handle the work conflict. We talked a lot about my work conflict at the session. I explained how I work with someone that veers from ordering me about and yelling at me to being as nice as can be. She said that this treatment is harassment, and it was a relief to be validated. I’ve felt so uncertain about myself. With a history of mental illness, I wondered, is it me? Am I being too sensitive? Am I the problem? But she reassured me that yelling at people in the workplace is never appropriate. She was annoyed that my boss wants to send my to a course on working with difficult people and difficult situations. She thinks it’s my colleague needs to learn how to communicate with people. But I’m of the mind that a) this may be a good way to learn some new strategies because I do get very stressed by interpersonal conflict and b) if they want to send me on a course then I guess they don’t want to fire me.
Anyway, that’s where things stand. Some improvement and a lot of self-care to get me through this stress.
Any tips on working well with difficult colleagues?
I do need new contact lenses, but that’s not what I mean. I think that I’m getting so tense and tired and stressed and upset that my views are becoming distorted.
Every time I wake up, I’m thinking about my work conflict. Any time my mind is not fully occupied with a task, it’s going back to the work conflict. I’m annoyed that I’m letting this take up so much of my energy!
I’m remember how zen I was at many points last spring. I want to find that again. Things I will work on this weekend:
– be in the present
– notice when work stress is creeping back to my thoughts and say “No!” – this is my time, not work time
– find time to meditate
– move around, get out of the house
I received a reminder yesterday that I have an appointment with my psychiatrist. Finally! My last appointment was in August because I was doing so well, feeling high spirited and ready to reduce some of my medication. No need to see the doctor for three months. What a laugh. Things have fallen so far since then!
I also haven’t been seeing my therapist since last spring as I was so busy then and my yoga training was a form of therapy. But right now I have nothing and I think I’m feeling the strain of not having their support and insights.
I also stopped blogging so much, losing out on my self-analysis and your helpful insights! Already, having started blogging again this week has been a great release.
Today I saw my psychiatrist for the first time in a couple of months. Now that I’m getting better I don’t have to check in as often.
It was a very good appointment. I told my doctor about how my mood has been pretty good lately. That there are more good days than bad days.
I also told her about my efforts at yoga training, daily yoga and getting a new full time job. She was thrilled with how things are going and also validated my choice to not worry about the daily yoga now that I’m working and super busy with my yoga teacher training assignments. Yay for having an expert think I made the right choice. 🙂
I mentioned my only concern was my insomnia – that for the past month or more I’ve been waking up automatically at 4 am each day. She thought there might be something to my theory that it was the switch to the generic version of Wellbutrin that led to this new development. That the generic version may have different time release properties. So I’m going back on brand name Wellbutrin and we’ll see if that helps.
Today I had a great day at work. The people I needed to speak to were there so I was able to get the feedback I needed on my plan. I love it when I feel productive.
I was still really tired at the end of the day, though, and had a lengthy nap. No yoga for me today! Hopefully the nap won’t interfere too much with sleep tonight.
Tomorrow I have guests coming over again, so the socialization should be good. 🙂
A huge snow storm has arrived tonight! Luckily I made it home from work by the time the first cm fell. I’m in a good place today so I’m relaxing, listening to meditation discussions by Tara Brach and having a bubble bath! 🙂
I met with my psychiatrist this morning and we decided that after last week’s bad spell and the extreme exhaustion before that, we would bump the Prozac up a step. That, and add an iron supplement, and keep up with the Wellbutrin. Hopefully that will be the right mix!
But that’s only part of the equation. I managed so well with my one week challenge, and do so terribly with an empty schedule before me, that I’m going to try an adapted daily challenge.
I haven’t worked out the specifics, but I think it will go something like this:
Daily Must Do:
Get out of bed.
In addition, do three or more of the following:
Go to work (mandatory on those days that I’m scheduled to work).
Exercise for 30 minutes or more. (Anything: walking counts!)
Spend 20 minutes or more on career search tasks.
Clean or organize one thing.
Socialize – in person, on the phone or with Skype or FaceTime. Email, texting, Facebook and blogging don’t count.
Meditate or complete self-help tasks for 20 minutes.
Make a healthy meal from scratch. Whole foods, vegetables, etc.
I think I’ll start with this and adapt as needed. As I’m coming to learn more about myself, I know that I need goals, but they cannot be inflexible or overwhelming because then they will just backfire.
I chose these tasks because they help me work towards my overall goals of:
Personal health, mental (depression and anxiety) and physical