Sorry for my neglect!

Hello all,

Sorry to be so absent lately! I’ve really neglected my blog!

There are many reasons — some good, some bad. Overall, I’ve not been so depressed lately so I haven’t felt the burning need to write. Also, it has been summer, so I think all the sun has helped and I’ve been a little busier.

I have, however, struggled a lot with anxiety. However, it is anxiety that is very much based on my current circumstances, not my brain acting up.

So I’m okay overall, much better this week than two weeks ago. Also, I’ve been really, really social, which is great.

But there are a few things that are really lacking right now, namely, exercise! I’ve been meaning all summer to get back to running, swimming and cycling and I just keep procrastinating. I’ve done some yoga, but nothing else, so this has to change.

So, to give myself the kick in the butt that I need, I’ve issued myself a 40 day challenge. Because 40 days is apparently the length of time it takes to start developing a new habit.

My 40 day exercise challenge:

I will do some form of cardio exercise for 30 minutes every day for 40 days.

I start tomorrow! Wish me luck or, even better, join me and we can support each other! 🙂

Ode to neighbourhood coffee shops

Today I am so grateful for my relaxing local coffee shop. It was a horrible rainy day so I struggled getting up. The darkness zapped my energy and not being able to enjoy the outdoors took away the enticement that has worked so well over the past few days.

I lazed about all morning and into the afternoon, alternately surfing the web, playing games, reading and sleeping. Mostly sleeping.

Finally at 3, I said, Enough! I knew I just had to get out of the house and do something. So I settled on studying at the coffee shop.

I was still rather slow as I went about showering, dressing and having lunch. But finally I made it out.

I’m so grateful for the coffee shop culture. Where you can bring your work and spend the day sipping lattes and getting things done. It’s warm and cozy, homey-feeling without the options of sleeping or watching tv.

Sometimes, like today, it can be hard to be productive. You run into a friend and chat. You blog. But you feel more alive and part of the community.

And there are so many others who are working on projects at the coffee shop. I get inspired by their studiousness and can settle down for my solitary work in the non-demanding company of others.

That said, I’m now being inspired to stop blogging and get to the work I came here to do.

Thank you, local coffee shop and fellow coffee drinkers. 🙂

Despite my best efforts

I feel like I have a hollow head today. Or that everything is hollow except my sinuses and ears. Those feel like they are twice the size they should be.

I slept in but got myself up for a shower and a walk, lunch and coffee. I’m all ready to settle down to work. But my head aches and I just want to go back to bed. Even though I slept tons last night!

I thought I was over my cold, but maybe it was just the relief from the medicine.

I don’t want to disappoint myself and not get my work done. Might snooze for an hour and try again. Gah.

De-dustifying

I slept in late today (i.e. past lunch) and worried I’d be in for another depressive weekend. I’m supposed to get some work done this weekend, so that was hardly the best start.

The good news is that I’m starting to get over my nasty summer cold. But it’s still lingering a bit and today I was struck by a major urge to clean. No need to succumb to allergies right after the cold!

So after showering and going out for coffee, I really went at it. Removed all the clutter I’d piled in my apartment as I was moving things around between my two storage units. Took down the recycling that had piled up. Found that something is wrong with the attachment on my vacuum so I actually went around my bedroom on my hands and knees with just the hose, vacuuming up every speck of dust, cat hair and dust bunnies. I did so much cleaning I actually worked up a sweat, so I’m feeling more energized. Might finally be ready to work soon.

This seems to be quite a routine for me, established in university. I have something I need to study or work on and first thing I have to do? Clean, rearrange furniture, make everything just so. I’m glad to have gotten the urge today, as I really tackled some of the cleaning I’d left half-finished for a awhile. It feels nice to clear those burdens.

Now I’m pausing for a break and some lemonade, but I think this has turned the tide for the weekend and I should be able to stay productive.

Have a great weekend!

Bad Decisions

I’m awake at two am as a result of some bad decisions today.

Culprit # 1: Haagen Dazs
I was really craving chocolate today. Perhaps because it’s Easter weekend, perhaps because I’m a chocolate addict.

As the day progressed, my mind began to focus on one thing: chocolate peanut butter Haagen Dazs. I binged a lot on this in the fall. I weakened throughout the day as I failed to meet so many objectives. And then I just did it. I went out and bought Haagen Dazs (and chips and dip too at the last moment). And then I ate it. All. (The ice cream, I mean, though quite a bit of the chips and dip too.)

I now feel a ball of physical discontent inside, keeping me awake and feeling yucky.

Culprit #2: Oversleeping
I’ve been sleeping a lot today. Slept in late. Had a nap. And went to bed early.

Why? I wasn’t tired. The sleeping in resolved that. I was bored. I was procrastinating. I was avoiding.

Culprit #3: Failure
I set myself a challenge for the Easter weekend. I have a lot of work that needs to be done so I broke things down to do a little every day. I didn’t do most things.

I must remind myself, however, that it wasn’t a total failure. While I didn’t do most things, I did do several things I don’t think I would have otherwise. I cleaned. Emptied the dishwasher, refilled it and set it to wash. Vacuumed my room. But the vacuum wasn’t working well – time to empty it. I don’t have a nose and mouth mask at the moment, so I gave up on the vacuuming for the moment. My allergies just wouldn’t be able take that much dust when they are already so aggravated. But I persevered and swept the rest of my place instead. Hopefully a few less dust bunnies will help, allergy-wise. And I applied for a job. I tried to do yoga homework in the form of choosing music for my class. It was terribly unproductive as I couldn’t find anything I liked, but I did try, so that is something.

Culprit # 4: No exercise
I almost went to yoga. But then saw that the studio was closed for Good Friday. Then I thought about going outside for a short jog as a small step towards my return to long-distance running. But I didn’t. Finally, I thought about the gym. And kept putting it off until they were twenty minutes from closing. No time now!

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Friday wasn’t the day I’d hoped it would be. But it was still better than last weekend (aside from the Haagen Dazs). So I’m paying a bit of a price now, but hopefully I won’t use that as an excuse to go off plan tomorrow as well.

Today’s yogi tea message

This weekend sucked. It was my first weekend off and I had all these plans. I had to do some stuff for work but I was going to do it at the gym on an exercise bike and at a coffee shop while sipping a latte. I was going to go to the yoga classes I can’t normally attend while training. I was going to rest and I was going to have fun and recharge.

I didn’t leave the house and barely left my bed.

There was a point on Sunday morning where I almost turned things around. But I think I made a conscious decision not to.

Why do I keep doing this?

My only bursts of activity on the weekend came when I was cleaning on Saturday night and, on Sunday night, when I finally showered and tried to figure out how to do all that I was supposed to have done over the weekend.

Unsurprisingly, I had insomnia last night and then I was exhausted and pretty useless today.

But I did go to work. For me, being there in body is just as important as being there in mind, because attendance is a challenge for me. I only have a few more weeks to this contract, so I’m determined not to miss any more time.

I’m hoping that this weekend was to get the blahs out of the way so that I can actually do stuff on Easter weekend. We shall see.

Which brings me my tea. The inspiring message attached to my yogi tea just now is this:

Those who live in the past limit their future.

So I continue to move forward. But I don’t want to keep repeating the same unhealthy behaviour. So please help remind me on Easter weekend to be active, to live in the moment, and to not procrastinate. Rest does not mean turning into a sloth and avoiding things that will make you happy.

On that note, I’d best get to sleep so that tomorrow makes for a much better day.

Goodnight,
DBH xx