A clean slate

Today has been a good day. I slept well, woke up when I was ready and immediately showered and went out. I bought food for me and my kitty, and then went back home for a big day of cleaning.

There is something about cleaning that is invigorating. It’s kind of like exercise, with the wonderful reward of a relaxing environment free of the chaos of my messes.

Now that I’ve cleaned almost every room, I can sit back and enjoy the coziness. I think I’ll even light the (electric) fire. And then a friend is coming over for a dinner and a movie.

All in all a really nice day. So nice to have a bit of relief from the stress.


A Social Breakthrough!

This will sound silly to anyone who doesn’t understand depression and anxiety, but I feel like I had a bit of a social breakthrough tonight.

I went out. To a friend’s party. Even though I was legitimately tired after 9 hours of yoga training and ready to cancel many times. I did change my RSVP to “maybe” to not feel the pressure. But I also made sure to wash my hair after soaking in my Epsom salts. And then I ate and watched a television show to unwind.

Then I decided, what the hell. I’ll go, say hi, and then leave if I want. (A strategy my therapist was trying to get me to adopt for a year to no avail!) And I went. And stayed for two hours, socializing with my friends and several people I didn’t know. I finally had to leave because I really do need to sleep. But I’m so glad that I went. I would have always felt guilty if I had missed the event.

What I noticed is that I have two reactions to tiredness. If I am physically tired, I can often somehow power though. But if I’m tired due to depression and anxiety, it’s like pulling teeth to get me to leave my bed let alone the house. I think it’s the same when I’m physically sick versus mentally ill. Interesting.

Good night! I am so beyond tired!

The Sunny Side of the Street

Today I had a slow start, sleeping until 11 am after a restless night. But after that things really improved.

I showered then went out to get a latte to perk up. It was -15C or more, but the sun was out and it was so nice! I walked on the sunny side of the street, soaking up some vitamin D, and it wasn’t cold at all! I think I’ll need to start doing little things like that in the morning, some little excursion outside (even by car), just to get things started. I seem to work by momentum.

Then I went online to talk to a friend in Europe. It’s a really good friend, but I flaked out on so many talks this past year because of depression. We had a wonderful time catching up and, as a bonus, I also had a chance to catch up with family in Europe too.

Then I had a bit of an energy dip and contemplated a nap. But when using the “truth” lens as I need to do for my yoga training, I knew that I wasn’t really tired. I was just procrastinating on a job application because I’m really interested and afraid of rejection. Also, I was bored.

So I resisted the nap and put together my cover letter. I also contacted someone I knew that worked there to try to get a leg up.

Then I went to yoga. Only two days since my intensive weekend of yoga. My recovery time is definitely picking up!

Finally, I thought to be extra productive and get groceries too while I was out. Sadly that didn’t work out. Silly me, I went to the store, picked out all my groceries and got in line only to realize I had forgotten my wallet!! So I ended up with no groceries, just a bit of extra walking.

Oh, and I found out about a job interview next week.

So, slow start, but I’m getting back into the swing of things with just a day’s blip in between. This is good. 🙂

Gaining Momentum

Today was day two of operation productivity and it was much better than yesterday. It didn’t start until late morning, but it was late morning so that’s definite progress. 🙂

I managed each of my tasks today. Well, I’m being liberal on the job search thing, but at dinner I did a lot of chatting about jobs and have some potential avenues to pursue, so networking counts!

Yes, I went out for a big dinner. It was a friend’s birthday and my first chance to interact with a lot of my friends since I bailed on the Christmas party. It was so great! I was very sociable, not anxious at all, even though there were also people I didn’t know. I laughed and chatted away the whole night. Did not feel down or out of place or awkward or separate. It’s so nice to rediscover my social side.

Exercise was pretty low key. It was a very relaxed yoga class with a lot of meditation, but that was my only option left since I missed the morning classes and had a dinner to get to. Still, the important thing is that I went out to a 90 minute class, getting back into the swing of things after a lazy week.

And I made inroads into finding my living room, something I’ve been avoiding. There is still more sorting to do, but it’s much more spacious now that I offloaded some unnecessary furniture this afternoon.

Thanks again for you support! I hope tomorrow is another great day, maybe with an earlier start too! 🙂