Low energy

Today was a low energy day. I’m not sure why. I just didn’t feel like doing anything and felt so tired. The sun was out again, but the only time I inspired myself to go outside was for Hagen Daaz ice cream. :-S Not a good thing.

I didn’t get anything done and cancelled my tentative plans for the evening.

This means that tomorrow I will have a lot of studying to do for my test on Wednesday. I think I will have to wake up early and spend a lot of time at a coffee shop with caffeine and lack of opportunity to sleep. Because the test is in the morning and I’ve been sleeping in so much!

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Antisocial

I’ve been very down and antisocial the past few days. I had a good but exhausting weekend at yoga training. I taught my second class and it went okay. The only thing that went wrong over the weekend really was that I’ve lost my spare keys so I’ve been stressing over that since I have a house guest.
Only one set of keys means planning everything out. Being home at a certain time, not going to yoga if I feel I need to on the spur of the moment. I spent hours and hours over the weekend looking for the keys, ripping my whole apartment apart and putting it back together again. No luck. I probably should have slept instead.
On Monday I had a lot of trouble waking up, despite at least nine hours of sleep. I ended up having to go home at lunch and slept the day away. In the evening I looked more for the keys, to no avail except my further aggravation. I think my friend thinks I’m crazy. I went out for a walk and bought some Haagen Dazs which I snuck back to my room and I ate it all. I don’t know why.
Despite sleeping all day I managed to sleep through the night and I still felt terrible in the morning so I called in sick. God I hope that I’m no relapsing into depression. I hope it’s the allergies, a heavy period and the number of things on my plate because that at least gives me hope that it’s something that will pass once this allergy season ends and my schedule evens out.
I’m wishing my friend away for no reason except that I feel crappy and like to be alone when I do.
Sorry, today’s post is just a pile of complaints. I just feel off and that’s all there is to say.

I think I overdid it

I had a wonderful weekend at yoga teacher training. My favourite so far because, despite all the hard work, I felt happy and energized.

But I think I overdid it. This morning I literally could not wake up. Despite having had a relaxing bath and going to bed around ten, I couldn’t wake up at 8 am! So I called in sick at work.

It’s disappointing to miss work, but I’m not going to beat myself up about it. My body obviously needed more recuperation as I slept most of the day away.

Moving forward, this is my thinking:
-Take today for the health day that it was and start anew tomorrow without guilt.
-Postpone my challenge by a day. I obviously needed a break today.
-Don’t use the fallout as an excuse not to exercise. I exercised for more than four hours yesterday, and many more the two days before. Making a commitment to exercise for thirty minutes a day will not lead to the same effect. And it will help to build my strength for more intense days.

I’m still sleepy so hopefully I’ll sleep well tonight.

A zombie in the making

Apparently I’m starting to look like a zombie. Some friends came over today and said I honestly look really exhausted. I’d had a nap before they came but they asked if I would be going straight back to bed after they left because I looked so wiped.

A colleague noted when I came back to the office today because they could hear my jaw-cracking yawns.

I’d seriously considered leaving work early but then I stuck it out.

I don’t know what to do. I’m not suffering excessive insomnia. I’m waking up early but still at least getting a solid 6 hours of sleep before the insomnia starts to disturb me. I’ve cut down on unnecessary burdens on my time. Why am I so drained?

I’m so tired of feeling tired! And I’m sure you are tired of hearing about it. 😉 But it is concerning as it affects everything I do. I think it is the cloud of stress hanging over me, but a lot of my stressors are out of my control.

I had a nice Epsom salt bath and now I’m having dinner and getting ready for some “electronic therapy”. I’m starting to watch The Walking Dead. At least I look lively in comparison to those zombies!

Slowly unravelling

To start on a positive note, at least I’m not unravelling mentally at the moment.

But I do feel like I’m slowly unravelling. I have a pounding headache. I can’t concentrate. My eyes hurt. My sinuses hurt. I’m just so tired!

How do I make it through 10 more days before I have a day off?!

I need a new battery.

Yesterday I had a nap after work and I’m still not refreshed. And I had to stop taking allergy meds because they were horribly dehydrating.

I have a course today so I need to power through a few more hours. Then I think I may go home rather than back to the office. Better to take a couple hours off today, than all day tomorrow, which I think I’m headings towards.

Stress. How do I manage this to stop this downward fall?

The daily grind

A few days ago I complained that I was starting to hate yoga. Today, I feel like I need it.

I’m really tired and yesterday’s plan to catch up on sleep didn’t work. No only did I not nap, I woke up too early this morning too. I yawned in total exhaustion while buying caffeine. I was so wiped the clerk said, “you know it’s only noon, right?”

Yes, unfortunately I do.

Adding to my tiredness, I feel like I am twiddling my thumbs today at work. I need other people to do their work so that I can do mine. Definitely not energizing.

And I have my presentation to prepare before the weekend, but I’m too tired to do it when I get home.

It feels like it is Thursday and it’s only Tuesday. My head aches.

So this is why I feel like I need yoga today. It’s one of my favourite classes and will combine some exercise with meditation. I think that will be more effective than trying to nap unsuccessfully like yesterday.

Still no job news. 😦

Crashing

Today I crashed. I went to yoga in the morning, so tired I hadn’t even gotten up in time for a shower. I did my practice, had a quick shower during the break, then stayed through to early afternoon for a lengthy lesson. I had to leave at lunch. Escape for a breather.

I had cereal for lunch and then a nap. And I had an upset stomach again. Maybe I’m becoming intolerant to wheat products? Anyway, between that and my exhaustion, I just couldn’t go back for four more hours.

I felt on the verge of a breakdown.

I slept through the afternoon and tried to regroup. I feel guilty for not going back. But I also feel relieved. I haven’t had a break in two weeks and won’t have another for a week and my body demanded self-care.

I hope it won’t cause problems. I will go back tomorrow. But I have to keep things in perspective. A year ago I was on the verge of another major depression meltdown and could barely work two or three days a week. Then I was laid off. And only worked about four or five months since then. I am now back at work full time, performing well and loving it. I go every day.

I signed up for yoga teacher training for personal growth. It’s a lot like therapy with lots of exercise too. And it has been helping, but also wearing me down. This weekend it’s particularly bad because I never had a recovery weekend in between.

Anyway, I don’t want to make excuses. But I want to be realistic. Where I am right how, compared to last year, is amazing. To maintain this, I need to listen to my body and be reasonable. Today, my body insisted. Hopefully I’ll be able to reenergize this week and rediscover the ease I normally find in yoga.