Holding the frayed ends of my rope

I am exhausted today. Bone deep tired. It’s all I can do to keep my eyes open.

There are so many things I “need” to do today. A full day of training. Finish my exam. Refresh and recharge so that I can make it through a busy week that will likely have lots of overtime and pressure.

I can’t do it.

I’m am okay with admitting that. So I’ve made some choices today. I need to take care of me. I will of course finish the final bits of my exam. I will go to training and I will be present and learn. But today I’m leaving all the physical practice aside. I know how I’ve been the past few yoga weekends. I’ve been sick with exhaustion. My most important priority this week is finishing my work project and not dropping the ball just before the goal line.

I still feel exhausted. But I feel a little bit empowered by this decision too. I am listening to the current state of my body. I know from experience what pushing more will lead to – burnout. So today is all about satisfying my minimum objectives and taking care of me. Because I will probably have to go the extra mile all week, and that’s just not possible if I burn myself out today.

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Making a point of going

Over the past couple of days I decided to rest rather than taking part in my daily yoga challenge. I struggled wondering if I was being compassionate or making excuses, and settled on the former.

Last night I went to bed early and slept really well. My cat woke me too early, ruining the final bit of sleep, but I woke up full of energy and speedily got ready for work.

At the end of the day, I again had my choice: do I or don’t I go to yoga?
For:
-I want to keep up my practice and go as often as I can.
-I felt good at the end of the day, not exhausted like the past few days.
-I had to go out again anyways as the poor kitty needed more wet food.
Against:
-I was late getting home from work.
-I was really rushing and not sure I could make it on time.
-I realized while going down to my car that I forgot my yoga mat! But there was no way I’d make it if I went back for it.

I decided to go. And I’m so glad I did, because if I’d missed today, it really would have been due to excuses or laziness. I was feeling fine and refreshed. No reason not to go.

And, even better, we had a super lengthy gong meditation, so I got to rest anyway! 🙂