– worked well
– doing great with cutting lattes from my daily routine
– laughed at my cat who started purring and walking under me when I was doing a downward dog
– felt like I was floating around when I walked around the office during the day, a really good feeling in my body after running yesterday.
– ice cream for dinner
– napping all evening
Things I’m okay with:
– Not running today. I had planned to, but I don’t think my muscles had recovered from yesterday. I think running should be every other day for now as I don’t want injuries.
– Cleaning and stretching and meditating in the early morning hours. I woke up after my long nap and felt like doing some of the cleaning tasks I had neglected. I cleaned the kitty litter, gathered the clothes from the floor and put them all in the hamper for the wash, checked that I had something to wear tomorrow, and loaded the dishwasher. And I’m trying out the delay feature for the first time. If all works well, the dishwasher should go on when I need to wake up for work!
I’m feeling relaxed and ready to head back to bed now. And I’ve got a few ideas for tomorrow on how to make sure I don’t nap and miss my team sport.
Yesterday’s self-analysis and acceptance were really helpful! I looked into why I spent the weekend in bed sleeping and determined it was due to my old friend “all-or-nothing”. Knowing the issue gives me something to work on in the future. And accepting that what was done, was done, helped me to let it go.
So today was great! I had a restful night and packed all my yoga things to bring to work in my car. I had a productive day with a brown bag lunch and studied for my language test during the lunch hour. I was no longer trying to cram everything in my head. Instead I focused solely on those areas where I knew I had some difficulty. And it was such an effective and peaceful way to prepare!
After work I went to yoga, because I wanted to. I was feeling the lack of it after not going for a week. Because I drove straight there rather than stopping at home first, I had no temptation not to go. And I was early and so had a little extra study time too!
Now that I’m home, I’ve also done some work on the yoga class I’m teaching this weekend. I decided that while my dinner was cooking, I would try out the routine without a script and record the practice by video. Now I can watch to find out when I have time to talk and when I should talk less, and also see where my timing was off so that I can stick to the time limits. (Oh, and laugh at my cat’s guest appearances!)
The moral of the story: Today, I did everything I wanted to do on the weekend (albeit for shorter periods) and with NO STRESS!
Note to self: Don’t burden yourself with plans. Have a rough plan but the flexibility to change it if needed so that you can ditch the all-or-nothing mentality! (I’m sure I’ll need to remind myself many more times. 😉 )
This evening I continued with the next installment of Tara Brach’s Meditations for Emotional Healing CD: The RAIN Meditation.
RAIN builds on the “Yes” meditation. It is an acronym that stands for the following:
R – Recognize
A – Accept
I – Investigate with Intimacy
N – Not Identified, Natural Presence
The first two parts, the R and the A are essentially the “Yes” meditation. You recognize how you feel in a difficult situation, and you accept that that is the way it currently is. But then you go deeper. You investigate why and how you are feeling this way. I continued with my scenario of being fired because I missed work when I was depressed.The memory made my heart speed up and made me feel ashamed and unworthy. More deeply, it is because I believe I am unworthy and this is a confirmation of that. It is my belief that I am unlikeable and unloveable. That if anyone really knew me, they would come to that same conclusion. The fear is that no one will love me and that I will always be rejected. No one will accept me for what I am… Even me. Physically I felt a throbbing in my head and my heart.
The N means taking a step back from those intense feelings and look at them from the eyes of your wisest self or, if you can’t, then from the eyes of some one caring and compassionate, like Buddha. I did the latter for I obviously have difficulty with being compassionate with myself. At this stage you are supposed to comfort yourself that that is not who you are, that you are something larger than this small segment you keep focussing on. You are to place you hands on your heart, accept and comfort yourself, and arrive in a larger non-identity or natural presence.
I have to admit that I got a little lost between I and N. I think it was a useful meditation for starting to look more deeply at why certain patterns keep being triggered, but I couldn’t reach the next stage. So, I think I’ll need to try this meditation again on another day to see if I can absorb more. I believe it is an important one as that critical factor of self-acceptance is, I think, the only way to move forward emotionally and spiritually. She mentioned that each time we have these negative thoughts about ourselves, it is like we are breaking our own hearts. I really want to stop doing that.