I’ve been dwelling on my problems lately. Never a good thing for one’s mood!
The root problem is financial so it is hard to avoid as it affects the very stability of my life. But dwelling has incapacitated me to the point that I’ve avoided any recreational activities that would actually soothe and centre me. Blah, the time-old tale – exercise and activity help stress and depression, but if you are depressed, it’s sometimes impossible to get yourself out the door to do something.
Today I finally took some action and, fingers crossed, may have set things in place to resolve a lot of my problems (i.e. How do I pay rent and support myself until my next job starts?!) by early next week. I should find out tomorrow. Please, please, please!
The hope of resolution has given me a boost this evening and I went to yoga to centre myself. I also had a nice bath for self-care. I even tried rescuing my aloe plant from overgrowth and gathered my own little pot of fresh aloe, which I am now trying as a possible natural remedy for my psoriasis. (The medication is way beyond the budget right now!)
This weekend I have a heavy social schedule so I hope that I can maintain my balance. If I get good news tomorrow this will help ensure I have positive energy going into the weekend. If I get bad news or no news, well, I will have to take steps to centre myself as I cannot cancel this weekend’s plans.
I’m excited about the social engagements, but I have noted that while it does me good to be around friends, it can also drain me if I have to be “on” for too long. So I think I will need to dedicate Sunday to self-care to keep myself from crashing.
This week I’ve been veering all over the map. I’ve been amazingly social to the point that I think my friends see the old me. But I’ve also crumbled to stress.
The past three days have been the worst. I totally shut down with all the stress, getting terrible tension headaches and hiding in my bed. I cancelled on things, I avoided things. I worried over my finances until my next contract, to the point of just making myself miserable.
Once again, I need to learn: Worry doesn’t help anything.
I’m starting to re-engage this evening and I think I need to come up with a plan.
-what are small things I can do to help my finances until my new job starts?
-what is a back-up plan to get me through the month?
-what are things I can do to help ease stress, yet not overwhelm myself?
-what are commitments I can reduce? For example – I’m stressed over affording a gift for a friends wedding when I can’t afford rent. Why don’t I just explain my situation? I’ve been giving my time to help out at least and really, I’m sure they just want me to be there.
Anyway, that’s where I am – all over the place! Here’s to hoping I can stop being a yoyo this week!
Today was a low energy day. I’m not sure why. I just didn’t feel like doing anything and felt so tired. The sun was out again, but the only time I inspired myself to go outside was for Hagen Daaz ice cream. :-S Not a good thing.
I didn’t get anything done and cancelled my tentative plans for the evening.
This means that tomorrow I will have a lot of studying to do for my test on Wednesday. I think I will have to wake up early and spend a lot of time at a coffee shop with caffeine and lack of opportunity to sleep. Because the test is in the morning and I’ve been sleeping in so much!
Today I am so grateful for my relaxing local coffee shop. It was a horrible rainy day so I struggled getting up. The darkness zapped my energy and not being able to enjoy the outdoors took away the enticement that has worked so well over the past few days.
I lazed about all morning and into the afternoon, alternately surfing the web, playing games, reading and sleeping. Mostly sleeping.
Finally at 3, I said, Enough! I knew I just had to get out of the house and do something. So I settled on studying at the coffee shop.
I was still rather slow as I went about showering, dressing and having lunch. But finally I made it out.
I’m so grateful for the coffee shop culture. Where you can bring your work and spend the day sipping lattes and getting things done. It’s warm and cozy, homey-feeling without the options of sleeping or watching tv.
Sometimes, like today, it can be hard to be productive. You run into a friend and chat. You blog. But you feel more alive and part of the community.
And there are so many others who are working on projects at the coffee shop. I get inspired by their studiousness and can settle down for my solitary work in the non-demanding company of others.
That said, I’m now being inspired to stop blogging and get to the work I came here to do.
Thank you, local coffee shop and fellow coffee drinkers. 🙂
I left the house today and really, that is the key to a good day I think. I had no expectations of myself except that I wanted to go to a free outdoor yoga class and I wanted to ride my bike there.
Here’s my day:
-rode my bike to the park
-did outdoor yoga
-rode my bike to a coffee shop for lunch and an iced latte
-relaxed and blogged etc
-rode my bike for about 3 km
-settled down on under a shady tree and studied for two hours while enjoying the sounds of the birds and dogs, and the views of grass and trees and water
-relaxed on my patio
In all I probably had about 5 hours of productivity but I feel so good, like I accomplished some great things today. Mostly, today was a success in continuing to build new paths in my brain, hoping that I develop this leisurely approach to my free schedule as a habit. Yay!
Today I put some of my spare time to good use and had some fun in the sun.
It is a gorgeous sunny day with bright blue skies and I finally took my bike out of storage for a ride. I also went to an outdoor yoga class. It definitely helped bring me some of the peace I’ve been lacking this week. The mat got quite hot a few times and I hope I didn’t get a sunburn, but the sun felt so nice on my skin.
I’m so glad I got out of the house and realized how great the outdoors make me feel. I think I need to start thinking of my time off as summer vacation so that I make the most of it.
That said, I need to study for a job interview this afternoon, so I plan to combine that with a bike ride and relaxation under a tree. 🙂
I survived. Actually, all the stress was of my own making, my mind playing tricks on me.
I left early for my date so I could take a very leisurely walk. And I even got there early. He arrived, we got drinks (non-alcoholic) and then we chatted for hours. And I wasn’t really nervous. He was very nice and easy to talk to.
Why did I put myself through such hell yesterday and today worrying?!
Maybe there will be a second date or maybe we will just be friends. The lesson is this: stay focused on the present and let what will be, be.
Thank you for your support and encouragement during my meltdown. xx