A Postscript to a Dull Day

The day went on and I picked up a little. Here is my updated checklist.

Get Out of Bed: check.
Go Outside: check.
I got dressed in sweats and walked down the street for takeout. I was helped along by the fact that I could pull my winter hat over my dirty hair, just needing to brush my teeth to be presentable. The brisk, winter air during the short walk was refreshing, and a meal helped with energy.

3+ More Activities:
Self-Help: check
I tried once again to get into Listening to Depression. I’m not having much luck with chapter two. In this chapter the author tries to convince you of the blessings of depression. I know what she is trying to say based on the first chapter, but something about the language in this chapter ticks me off. I got very cozy, at least, reading on the sofa next to the “roaring” electric fire. So cozy that I fell asleep.

Career Stuff: check
As I mentioned earlier, today I declined a potential work contract. It asked for too much commitment for way too little pay or security. My first thoughts upon waking on the sofa were that I had made a spelling mistake in the email declining and ugh, how unprofessional that must make me seem. I was sure they were glad that they wouldn’t have to work with me. The thought kept circling my mind. I looked at the word twice when I wrote it…. Why didn’t I double check the spelling? Why didn’t spellcheck highlight it? Maybe the spellcheck in my email isn’t on? I couldn’t get it out of my head. So I looked up the word in the dictionary. And I hadn’t even spelled it wrong! The joys of an overactive, stressed mind.

Cleaning: check
I wanted to stick to my challenge so I did the dishes.

Finances: check
This is a new one but I thought I’d add it to the list of optional activities. Because they are so challenging right now. It’s almost the end of the month and my first pay cheque wasn’t quite enough for rent. So I went to the bank to put in more money from my mom. I’m thankful for the support, but feel so guilty. Especially after turning down a potential offer. But it really wasn’t a good offer and the contract might have caused problems down the road if I found a better job in the meantime.

So that’s where I am today. I didn’t do all I wanted to – exercise! – and did stuff I didn’t want to – stopped for ice cream on the way back from the bank and ate it all, ugh! – but at least I stayed true to my challenge. It’s helpful because I’ve kept a commitment to myself and it hopefully means I can get on with tomorrow without dwelling too much on today.

I’m going to watch a movie now. Good night, and thanks for your support. 🙂

A Dull Day

Today I awoke with the sun shining through my window. And I dreaded getting up. I felt really tired so I went back to sleep. The problem: stress and avoidance.

Daily Must Do:

  • Get out of bed. Half-check. I’m out of bed but still in my pajamas.
  • Go outside. X.

I also haven’t made inroads into selecting three other activities. I’ve done one I guess, the one that was causing me stress. I had a sort-of job offer. It sounded really interesting, but the work wasn’t guaranteed and the salary was terrible. Just over half of what I used to make. I’m getting very frustrated. There are jobs out there, but why are they so badly paid? I’m a professional person but getting offered salaries comparable to what I made 10 years ago!

I just can’t do it. So I need to keep looking, but I get discouraged. My eye is hurting again, I guess a stress headache is starting. Mostly self-imposed. This is my first day off in a few days and I had thought to do so many things – respond to the offer, apply to new jobs, do other important paperwork. It’s just too much for me today. So I avoid. And feel stressed about it. Blah.

Hopefully the day will get better.

A Day Started With Confidence

Today was a long day, but a good one. Of particular note was that I had an interview this morning, and I was so confident walking in! No nerves, no sweaty palms. That’s not something I’ve been for quite a while with the trouble I’ve had keeping up work attendance over the past few years (felt so much shame!) and getting both laid off and fired this year. The interview wasn’t for an actual job, just the potential for something down the road, but it was so nice to just feel so at ease.

Today’s challenge
Daily Must Do:

  • Get out of bed. Check.
  • Go outside. Check.

Three other things:

  • Go to work. Check. Perfect attendance and always punctual too (very unusual for me, but so much less stressful!).
  • Exercise for 30 minutes. Check. Short walks to and from buses, to lunch, to work and while on break. No dancing today. 😉
  • Career search tasks. Check. One hour interview plus paperwork.

That’s it for today. I’m tired. But I definitely need to pick up the exercise on my days off. Looking in the mirror today was not nice. The scales confirmed it with my highest weight ever. 😦

On the bright side, I’ve definitely been eating better than I was a month ago with my regular Haagen Daaz binges. But there is still work to be done in the veggie arena.

Oh, and I’ve just remembered that I haven’t been taking my iron supplements yet. They are so annoying – must be taken with food and can’t be taken within a couple of hours of other medications. So, of course, I forget it. I’ll have to try to remember to take them at supper.

Good night! 🙂

Daily Challenge

Hi! The day remained really good overall. I had a bad headache toward the end of my work shift, but otherwise, all was good.

Daily Must Do:

Get out of bed – check

Go outside – check

Choice of other must-do activities:

Go to work – check

Exercise – check (walked to and from buses and danced around the house)

Career search – check

Clean or organize one thing – check (laundry)

I hope you all have a good night or day! 🙂

Feeling Good!

Today I definitely woke up on the right side of the bed. I was dancing as I dried my hair!

I’m not sure what caused the good mood, but I’m not complaining. Maybe because I’m feeling optimistic about my new daily challenge. Maybe because a potential new career avenue opened up yesterday. Maybe because of the slight boost to the Prozac. Maybe because when I was sleepy this morning I had the option to sleep longer and wake up when I was ready. I’m really not a morning person, so maybe working in the afternoons is good for me. Also, I didn’t need to contend with the morning chaos of a snowstorm – just the beauty now that it is under control. I was able to get ready at my own pace, and played music while I showered and got ready for work. And before I knew it my hips were moving!

Whatever it is, I like! 🙂

Staying Cozy in the Midst of a Blizzard

A huge snow storm has arrived tonight! Luckily I made it home from work by the time the first cm fell. I’m in a good place today so I’m relaxing, listening to meditation discussions by Tara Brach and having a bubble bath! 🙂

I met with my psychiatrist this morning and we decided that after last week’s bad spell and the extreme exhaustion before that, we would bump the Prozac up a step. That, and add an iron supplement, and keep up with the Wellbutrin. Hopefully that will be the right mix!

But that’s only part of the equation. I managed so well with my one week challenge, and do so terribly with an empty schedule before me, that I’m going to try an adapted daily challenge.

I haven’t worked out the specifics, but I think it will go something like this:

Daily Must Do:

  • Get out of bed.
  • Go outside.

In addition, do three or more of the following:

  • Go to work (mandatory on those days that I’m scheduled to work).
  • Exercise for 30 minutes or more. (Anything: walking counts!)
  • Spend 20 minutes or more on career search tasks.
  • Clean or organize one thing.
  • Socialize – in person, on the phone or with Skype or FaceTime. Email, texting, Facebook and blogging don’t count.
  • Meditate or complete self-help tasks for 20 minutes.
  • Make a healthy meal from scratch. Whole foods, vegetables, etc.

I think I’ll start with this and adapt as needed. As I’m coming to learn more about myself, I know that I need goals, but they cannot be inflexible or overwhelming because then they will just backfire.

I chose these tasks because they help me work towards my overall goals of:

  • Personal health, mental (depression and anxiety) and physical
  • Build or rebuild friendships and relationships
  • Find a suitable career

It begins tomorrow!

Good night! 🙂

Whew!

I really must have been building up energy. Today I worked up a storm!

After deleting hundreds of job alerts in the morning and then going to yoga, I spent the afternoon and evening going through the remaining emails (around 150!). I went through each one and deleted most. And I applied for at least ten jobs. I’ve also selected a few more to apply to tomorrow.

It is such a relief to have that backlog gone. Tomorrow I’ll start fresh with less incoming spam and more direct searching.

This has made me somewhat more optimistic on the job front. Today I found out a position that I really wanted was already filled, and learned that the potential contract work I had lined up did not meet my salary expectations. I can’t believe how many employers what to pay half as much as I used to make! Not an option if I’m to keep up with bills. :-S

Anyway, it was good to find some more reasonably paid jobs, if not quite up to my previous salary, then at least in the vicinity.

I really need to become more active in my job search because my part-time job only runs until the new year!